The Ballard Five

This is JellyBean. She is the latest addition to our family and how she came to live with us is almost as unbelievable as the Easter Bunny himself.

 

I’ll start with a little history. Back before Walter and I had children, before we were even married, we lived in a TINY apartment in Bloomington, Indiana. We had moved up there for me to start optometry school. Walter worked late nights and long hours at the Walgreens a couple of towns over and I spent lots of time alone in the confines of our apartment studying. It started to get a little lonely and one day I told him that I needed something in the apartment with me that was also breathing. Anything! A small dog was out of the question because that particular apartment complex did not allow dogs of any size. A cat was not an option because Walter is incredibly allergic to them. We decided on a rabbit. Lots of people think that’s strange, but let me tell you a few things about pet rabbits that you may not know. They are very social animals. They bond with their human caretakers, and they are easily trained to a litter box. So with that in mind, we went to the local PetSmart and picked out a rabbit and all the accessories. Our bunny, Hef, lived a long life with us. He was a great companion, a sweet bunny, very low maintenance and aside from being sick one time, we never had a moment’s trouble out of him.

So back in December, when our girls asked for a pet bunny, we didn’t really think about it too much. We told them we would see about it, and started looking for an acceptable bunny rabbit for them to have. We decided on a small breed, and were drawn to the little lop eared bunnies known as Holland Lops.

I found a breeder in KY and filled out the required adoption forms and set into motion this incredible story of how ended up with JellyBean. The breeder had a Facebook page, and once I knew they had accepted our request to purchase one, I began watching the page for the updates that a litter had been born. They came around the first week of January, and we had to wait 6-8 weeks to bring one home. Once they were old enough for the breeder to tell the sex, we were sent an email with pictures so that we could choose the one we wanted. There were 3 brown ones in the litter and one gray and white striped one that was known as a magpie for her coat markings. I was drawn to this bunny and put down a deposit on her.

Meanwhile, we told the girls that if they were really good, listened, and were helpful and kind to each other that we would reward them with “bunny checks” and that once they acquired enough, we would get them a pet bunny. They were busy little bees helping around the house and earned a lot of bunny checks! I purchased a super cute hutch from Amazon for our newest pet and had it assembled and hidden in my parent’s basement for the big day.

We decided to call her Maggie May and went to pick her up on a Saturday. We met the breeder in Frankfort because she lived more than 2 hours from us and that was a more central meeting place. The girls still had no idea what we were going for. The look on their little faces when they opened the top of the cardboard box and saw this tiny little bunny was the best thing ever! They were overcome with excitement!

We took Maggie May home and got her all set up in her new house. They would sit for hours and watch her hop around. She would bounce up and down the hallway and they had the best time playing with her. To say they were “in love” is an understatement.

 

On the Tuesday after we got her (only 3 days later), I went home on my lunch break as I frequently do and noticed something wasn’t right. Maggie was in the corner of the hutch convulsing. I picked her up and it seemed as though she was having a seizure then her entire body went limp. She was still breathing and her heart was beating so I rushed her to the vet. A few hours later, I called to check on her only to be told that she had passed away.  I couldn’t bring myself to tell the girls that their bunny had died, so I did what all good parents do and I lied to them about it. I told them she was at the vet and was very sick while I scrambled to figure out a Plan B.

Maggie had nipped at Evelyn 2 days before she passed and had actually drawn a little blood. This hadn’t concerned me too much (because bunnies do nip) until Maggie died suddenly. After talking with the vet, and the pediatrician, we decided a necropsy (bunny autopsy) would be a good idea just to make sure Evelyn hadn’t contracted something. The necropsy took a little over a week to get results. All the while, I was telling them she was at the vet and getting a little better day by day.

In the meantime, I had contacted the breeder and let her know what had happened. As luck would have it, she had ANOTHER magpie colored female bunny (Maggie’s half sister) that was available and she offered her to me as a replacement. We accepted her offer after we learned that Maggie had died from a protozoan encephalitis that she was most likely born with. We were told not to worry about any other bunnies coming from this breeder and not to worry about Evelyn. The following Saturday, I drove 2 hours (one way) to pick up the new Maggie.

When I brought her in, the girls didn’t even notice the small color differences between the first bunny and her replacement. They were simply happy to have Maggie back.  “New Maggie” took to the family very smoothly. Like her sister, she was tame, sweet, and tolerant of the kids. They played with her, and let her hop around the house just like we had done before. I watched her very closely because I didn’t want to have to go through what we had just experienced with the first one.

Exactly one week after we brought the second Maggie home, I noticed she wasn’t eating as much. I got concerned and called the vet. To make a very long 48 hours short, I will tell you that after a visit to the vet, antibiotics, fluids, and me feeding the bunny every 2 hours with a syringe (throughout both nights), the second Maggie died as well. Her death was the result of enteritis, something rabbits can get very easily. They can even get this from the stress of moving from one place to another. Who knew?

The girls were very upset. I was upset that we ended up having to watch their pet bunny die when that was what we were trying to avoid the whole time. Death is a hard lesson to learn, especially at a young age, but a very important one to learn…that life is fragile and nothing is permanent. We had a proper funeral for the second Maggie and buried her in the back yard next to barn.

It took a few days, but with the rabbit hutch and all the rabbit accessories sitting in plain sight, the girls started to ask about getting another rabbit. After having 2 die in a matter of 2 weeks, I decided that I was not going to pay for another rabbit, and that I was not going to drive across the state for one either. Surely, there was someone local that had a little “mutt” rabbit that needed a good home. I put out a Facebook post asking if anyone had any leads.

One of my cousins contacted me later that day and told me that they had a little lionhead girl that was about 6 months old and that we were welcome have her. We made arrangements to go pick her up on that Friday afternoon. I got busy washing and disinfecting the hutch, all the accessories, litter box, etc. We threw away a lot of stuff, bought several new things and had it ready to go.

This is the part where you need to sit down. My cousin contacted me again on Wednesday of that week to let me know that when they woke up that morning, THAT bunny was dead. Are you following this? THREE dead bunnies in less than 3 weeks! One of which didn’t even make it to our house! I was fed up with the whole situation, unbelievable (and at this point comical) as it was. I was about to give up on the whole pet bunny idea. How could it be THIS hard to keep a rabbit alive?!?! We had them before with no problems. I was starting to doubt my abilities to take care of ANY pet at this point.

Enter JellyBean. My mom and dad found her at a local pet store and brought her in for the kids. I’m trying not to get too attached because let’s face it, we’ve only had her a little over a week, (but that’s a new record at our house.) She’s very affectionate to the kids and does all kinds of acrobatics when they have her out. She’s already litter box trained and seems to be thriving. Let’s all just say a little prayer that when the Easter Bunny comes in a few weeks he makes it out of our house alive…

It has been quite some time since I updated the blog. Not because my girls haven’t been incredibly entertaining, but because we have been incredibly busy. Last night they were on a ROLL. Here is a little glimpse into my hilarious night with them.

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After listening to some Christmas music (I know it’s early…don’t judge!) Sophie started talking about Jesus and the fact that Christmas is his birthday.

Sophie: It’s really sad that Jesus died though.
Me: Yes, but he died so that we could all have a chance to go to Heaven.
Sophie: They didn’t even bury him. They just put him in a cave with a rock in front of it.
Me: Well, back then they didn’t always bury people. Sometimes they put them in a tomb.
Sophie: He came back alive though, and he came out of that cave. Mama, was Jesus a Zombie?

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Lilly: Can I play with the iPad?
Me: Not right now. We’re taking a break from it tonight. Go play in the toy room with your sisters.
Lilly: But I want to play with the iPad.
Me: Not now.
Lilly: PLEASE!!!! Let me play with it!
Me: No. Go play with Sophie and Evelyn.
Lilly: (Hands on hips) I WOULD SELL MY WHOLE FAMILY FOR $30 IF I COULD DO ANYTHING I WANT!!!!!

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I still put all three girls in the bathtub together at night. It’s a tub full, but it’s the quickest way to get them all clean AND be able to keep an eye on all of them at the same time. Last night, the three of them were taking their “bubble bath” together when….

Lilly: What is THIS?!?! (Pulls a poop up out of the water)
Me: Um, that’s a turd. Evelyn, did you poop in the tub?
Evelyn: (Looks up, smiles, and starts clapping her hands) YAY!!!!!
Lilly: (Silent, horrified look on her face, poop still in her hand)
Me: Everybody out!
Sophie: Ewwww! We’re sitting in poop water!
Lilly: (Drops poop, jumps out) Ew, Ew!
Evelyn: (Still clapping) YAY!!!!!
Lilly: EVELYN ROSA! I AM NOT IMPRESSED!!!

 

 

Poop! Secrets! Drugs! Revenge! Death! This is a hodgepodge of recent topics here with The Ballard Five.

POOP & SECRETS

Sophie got a notebook in one of her Easter baskets that had Elsa on the front and blank pages inside.

Sophie: I’m going to write my letters in this book, Mama.
Me: That’s a good idea! You could draw pictures in it too.
Sophie: I’m going to write secrets in it. It can be my diarrhea!
Me: Your DIARY, you mean.
Sophie: No, my diarrhea. It’s what you write you secrets in.

DRUGS

One night we were having some potato soup for dinner and were all out of crackers. Sophie wanted to run to the store with me. On the way there, she shouted out “Yay! We’re going on a CRACK run!”

DEATH & REVENGE

Lilly has been on a kick lately talking about death, and heaven. She told us shortly after Easter that when she goes to Heaven, she is going to find those people who killed Jesus, and she’s going to punch them in the face. I told her that would probably get her kicked out of Heaven because they’re more about forgiveness and less about revenge. She also informed me that when she gets to heaven the first thing she’s going to do is make a storm. She’s going to send it to me, and make it rain on me.

DEATH…AGAIN

We were driving around last week just to get out of the house. The girls were content in the back of the car drinking some milkshakes and listening to their KidzBop, when out of the blue…

Lilly: Daddy!
Walter: Yes?
Lilly: When I die, you better buy me a GOOD grave!
Walter: Um, ok? What?
Lilly: A shiny one. I want a really shiny one.
Walter: Whatever you want, sweetie.

POOP (AND PEPPER REVENGE)

Eating breakfast for dinner one night. (NO peppers on the menu)

Lilly: I’m NEVER EVER eating peppers AGAIN!
Me: Whys’ that? I thought you liked peppers?
Lilly: Because them burn my mouth! (pause) And my butt.

Update:

Since my last entry, the little green flashlight was found! We were cleaning up Lilly’s room one day and she went to put something in her little treasure box. She opened it and her eyes got really big. Then she started laughing and said, “NOW I remember putting that here!”  I got a good laugh out of it–until the ER bill came later that week.

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Our Lilly has been in rare form in the recent months. I’ve been too busy to make an entry but have been keeping little notes to come back to. As I reflected on those notes today, I realized that they are overwhelmingly in reference to things she has said or done. So without further ado…here is your daily does of Lilly (with a pinch of Sophie and Evelyn):  

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Lilly (while coloring a picture): Mama, I can spell my name. L-L-L-L-Y!

Me: That’s very close! Change one of those “Ls” and you’ve got it!

Lilly: No. I did it right. Because I’m a smart Lilly. 

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Lilly: I can’t wait to be a grown up!
Me: Why are you in such a hurry to grow up? 

Lilly: Because then I can cut things!

Me: (Makes mental note to hide all scissors/knives even better than they already are.)

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Lilly: I love you, mama!

Me: I love you too! What would you do without me? 

Lilly: Bury you in the sand. 

Me: Um, ok…what would my stone say?

Lilly: “Get out of the toy box!”

Me: (Silence. So THAT’S gonna be my legacy, y’all.) 

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Then there’s this little gem: Sophie and Lilly take these tiny flashlight keychains to bed with them each night. Saturday night, Lilly went back the hall with hers. We tucked them in and said our goodnights. About 30 minutes later, she came up the hall with her head hanging down. 

Me: Lilly, what’s the matter?

Lilly: (Looks up and starts bawling.) Mama, don’t be mad at me!

Me: Why would I be mad? What happened?

Lilly: I squallowed my flashlight.

Me: You what? Swallowed it? How? Can you even do that? 

Lilly: I played with it and put it in my mouth and squallowed it. 

Me: So…it’s in your belly? Did it hurt your throat? Did you choke? 

Lilly: (Crying again) I’m sorry mama, it was a accident.

 

   
After searching her room THOROUGHLY and not producing her flashlight, off to the ER we went. I was afraid that IF she had actually swallowed the flashlight, the battery could corrode inside her and harm her. Have you ever taken a perfectly healthy, bouncing, singing, running, 3 year old to the ER? They look at you kind of weird when they ask you why you’re there and you tell them she swallowed a flashlight. By the time she had x-rays, we had already had to explain this to at least 3 people. I know I’m not lying when I say we were all pretty curious to see if she had in fact swallowed a flashlight. After the x-rays, the doctor came in to tell us it was all ok. There was NOT a flashlight in her belly. Needless to say, we were happy but we still haven’t found it and she still says she squallowed it.

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Sophie has been super excited about going to school. She doesn’t start kindergarten until August, but this is the year she starts and so she can’t wait. Just before Christmas, Walter took them Christmas shopping for me. They decided to get me a big red poinsettia to put on the table. Sophie couldn’t remember what it was called so she just kept telling me and everyone else that they got me a BIG POISON IVY for Christmas. 

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Since my last post, Evelyn has learned to walk! Not only walk, but she’s practically running now. She had her big checkups with Urology and Neurosurgery in December and everything is still stable. No better, but no worse, so we are thrilled with that! She is so proud of herself toddling around the house and we are too. I can’t describe the emotions that stir in me to watch her take those first few steps. She still has Physical Therapy every week just to keep a close eye on things but she continues to impress us. 

We overheard this conversation between Sophie and Lilly the other day. It started out so sweet, then went south really fast…

Lilly: That’s sad that Jesus was on a cross and died.

Sophie: But Lilly, Jesus did that so that we can all get to Heaven. Do you know who is in Heaven?

Lilly: God is!

Sophie: Yes! Do you know who God’s assistant is?

Lilly: No…

Sophie: It’s Mary. It used to be Jesus but then he died. He was God’s first assistant and so Mary is his second assistant.

Lilly: Who is Mary?

Sophie: Mary is Jesus’s mama. Remember, her and Justin had him?

Lilly: Yeah!

Looks like we’ve got some work to do this Advent season!

I took a little time off from the blog because I’ve been very busy the last few weeks. We’ve celebrated first  birthdays, had a very successful Walk-N-Roll, gone on a little mini-vacation, battled illnesses and adjusted to a new shift at Walter’s job to name a few. 

Along the way, Lilly has been more entertaining than usual. Here are a few of her recent shenanigans…

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Lilly: Mama, does milk come from cows? 

Me: Yep! 

Lilly: Them has to get the milk out. They just reeeeach in them butts and squeeeeze the milk out of them butts…

Me: [spits milk back into cup–becomes lactose intolerant]

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Lilly: What does a fox eat? 

Me: I don’t know…probably mice or rabbits. 

Lilly: No! Them eats seahorses and puffins! 

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Epic Lilly-fit #1

We went to the bakery one morning to get donut holes. They ALWAYS put 12 into a little brown paper bag and we pick up a few dozen. I handed Lilly a bag and she got irate that they were not in a BIG brown paper bag. As in grocery bag sized.  She threw a massive tantrum and ultimately decided not to eat the donut holes because they were not packaged to her expectations. (God bless her future husband.) 

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Epic Lilly-fit #2

Lilly wanted me to zip her jacket for her but was already upset as she approached me. I tried to zip it and she informed me that she wanted the zipper part on the other side of the zipper. I explained to her that it’s just how the zipper was made and that I couldn’t just take that part off and put it on the other side. What happened next would have made Linda Blair blush. (God have mercy on her future husband.)

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Epic Lilly-fit #3

Lilly wanted to be a unicorn for Halloween. So I scoured the internet trying to find one that wasn’t slutty. The one we decided on was cute and colorful and she loved it! On Halloween night she decided that she did not like the horn and wasn’t going to wear it. I asked her to please put it on once so that I could get a picture and this was the best I got…the aftermath of her tantrum. And to all those people who asked her if she was Rainbow Brite, I will apologize on her behalf for the look she gave you when she barked “I’m a unicorn!” It was a rookie mistake, y’all. (No worries about her future husband. God bless me, right now!)
  

Lilly: Mama, if I was a pecker-bird (she meant woodpecker) I would land on your door and peck on it. Then you would hear, ‘knock, knock, knock’ and you would answer the door. And you would open it and say, “Hey! There’s a pecker at my door!” 

Me: speechless

  
Sophie was sitting at the table quietly repeating the word ‘shit’. 

Me: Sophie, what are you saying? 

Sophie: Shit. 

Me: That’s a bad word. You know better. 

Sophie (getting defensive): YOU said I could say SHIT to pwactice saying my Rs!

Me: Nope. There aren’t any Rs in ‘shit’. Do you think maybe I said you could say CRAP? 

Sophie: Ooooooh yeah! It WAS ‘cwap’! Cwap. Cwap. Cwap…

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Evelyn has been doing great! She will be 11 months old this weekend and is pulling up to standing on her own! Sometimes she gets brave and even lets go for a few seconds. She sees her neurosurgeon again in December for another MRI, and she sees her newest (3rd) urologist again in December for a few more tests. The spina bifida Walk-N-Roll is in a few weeks and we are gearing up for that. We’ve been overwhelmed by the support we’ve received for the walk! Come join us if you can! www.sbakwalk.org

Evelyn had physical therapy today so I had to drop the older girls off at the sitter. My brother, Stuart, was along for the ride too. We were on our way there when I had to slow down on the bypass due to some traffic. As we got closer, it appeared that there was a semi-truck pulled over and another smaller truck in front of it with logs on the back. There were at least 3-4 law enforcement vehicles parked around with their lights on. As we crept past the two trucks that were pulled over, I couldn’t tell if there had been some minor accident, but this was Sophie’s and Lilly’s take on the situation. 

Sophie: This was where we saw those lights the other night. There was a wreck on this road and this was where it was at. 

Lilly: Maybe the truck with the logs was stopped and the police (says something inaudible) THEN WE THROW THE WEED OUT OF THE WINDOW! 

Me: Wait, did she just say….

Stuart: Yes, yes she did. 

  

  
Dear Patient,

First I would like to apologize for the way I reacted to your question the other day. I could tell by your reaction to MY reaction that I caught you off-guard. To be perfectly honest, I surprised myself. But more so, I want you to know something important so that maybe you (maybe others) won’t make the same mistake again, and that hopefully this will prevent future awkward moments like the one we shared.

Doctors are people, too. We are human. I have been since I was born…since before I was your doctor. And since I am human, I have feelings that can be hurt. I have children that I worry about. I have a husband that I argue with sometimes. I have family members who get sick or hospitalized that are on my mind. I have loved ones who have passed away that I miss. I have bills to pay. I have a car that sometimes doesn’t start on the first try. I have sleepless nights. I work long hours (at the office and at home) and I have insecurities about myself.

Let me paint a picture for you about that particular day you came to see me. I have three daughters, the youngest being 9 months old. She was born with spina bifida and my life has been a whirl-wind of appointments, therapies, and worries since the day she entered this world. I have been doing my best to lose my “baby weight” since she was born and while I am no where near where I want to be, I have made some decent progress. I have been watching what I eat and I’ve been walking 6 miles on a treadmill every night after my girls go to bed. That means I walk until midnight most nights. 

On this particular day, I woke up, took a shower, and hopped on the scale to see if I had made any more progress. To my delight, I had dropped another pound and so I was feeling pretty good about myself. I chose a dress out of my closet that I haven’t worn in a while because I thought it looked good on me that day. My oldest daughter commented on my dress when I left the house and said, “Mama, you look pretty.”

I came to work and had a full day of patients to see and at the end of the day, you came in because you were having a problem. My office staff managed to squeeze you in to our already busy schedule. Then I called you back and the first thing you said to me was, “Oh! You’re expecting again!” Have you ever had someone mistakenly think you were pregnant when you were not? It is one of the worst feelings ever.  It is, frankly, a rude question that NO ONE should ever ask another person. Because let me assure you, that IF you are wrong, you have just ruined that person’s day. After I replied, “no” you went on to reach out and pat my un-pregnant belly and say, “Well sure you are!” Ma’am, you do not have the right to reach out and touch me. It doesn’t matter if I am pregnant or not, you DO. NOT. HAVE. THAT. RIGHT. It was in that moment that I pointed out to you that you were crossing a line. Did you stop? I’m afraid not. You went one step further by saying, “Well you have recently had one, haven’t you?” I was at a loss for words. Seriously, you just kept making an awkward, painful and embarrassing situation even worse. None of these questions were appropriate. None were any of your business. And none had anything to do with why you were there to see me in the first place.

I am certain, that by my reaction, you are aware that you were a real ass hat, and I hope that you never make that same mistake again. Keep your comments about my weight to yourself, and even more so, keep your hands to yourself. I, like you, am a person. And I, like you, make mistakes. Just please, for everyone’s sake…don’t make that mistake again.

Sincerely,
Your (human) optometrist